Diet Time!!!

• It's Time for a Changing...
• It's that time again people....  Time for Sherri to go back on her diet.  (Well, not my diet but more like time to hit the gym!!)  Yup, it's time for me to lose ten pounds and then gain them back next year! But this year, I am going to try something different, it's called staying dedicated. Don't get me wrong, I'm not expecting to be walking around like Halle Berry next year but i would like to be walking around feeling like Halle Berry! HAAALLLLLLEEEE BEEERRRRRRYYYYY!!!!!!!  I would like to be judged by my personality instead of by my appearance. Most of y'all that already know me, know that I am seriously crazy, I mean at least one more day away from Eastern State Hospital. But really, as much of a thick exterior I have, I'm all soft and mushy on the inside. I feel pain too, suckas!! And to prove most of my customers wrong..... I do have a heart, I just have the power to hide it...
• Why I'm Doing It...
• I sat down the other day and I wondered, "Why do I always start my diets back up in October?" Well, my answer is... Because I am preparing for Black Friday... or The Event... or The Blitz... or The Day of Judgement... or The Day That People Decided To Go All Retarded In A Department Store... So, I figure that if I start pumping up now, when that lovely shopping day comes around people will be scared of me. :) I want it so that if I touch you, you will go flying across the twelve isles of grocery. Like, if I poke you in Hardware, you will get tossed to the Produce section...



I bet y'all are like, "No she didn't use Twilight as an example!!" Believe me, you better hope that they schedule me at four in the morning like they forgot to do last year...

I will be throwing kids...

And tripping old people....

On that day...

That is... If I want something bad enough...

• Wow!! Is Something Wrong with Me?
• As I am writing this, I am eating at my favorite place on Earth, Panera Bread!! I decided instead of getting the normal which contained:

• A whole turkey sandwich on country with only mayo and mustard.
• Baked or Kettle cooked chips
• And a really fatten cold coffee drink (Monica)

• I would settle/get use to: 
• A half turkey sandwich on country with only mayo and mustard. (Mayo is not going away yet.)
• A salad with a vinegar something (I hate vinegar so I wish y'all could see these death faces that I am making in the restaurant)
• Apple
• Fruit Punch (Yup, I'm trying to lose weight not trying to stop being black.
• It's a slow change but if I stick to it, it's bound to pay off eventually. And the funny thing is that this is my cheating day (since it's payday) and I cheat by putting half a smear of mayo on my sandwich and a fruit punch....SMH!!
• HELP!!
• Here is where y'all come in... If you see me grabbing a bag of Krispy Kream doughnuts and take them to the checkouts, I want you to tap me on the shoulder and slap them out of my hand. Even better, get on the intercom and tell me to put the chips down. I'd be like, Okay.. I have to drop these because the strange voice from the sky told me so...
• Warning- If you see me walking around with a intense coffee drink in my hand, do not tap me and do not slap me because i will slap you back. It will take a LONG time to wean me off of those drinks. Actually, I am praying that the Pepsi guy will eventually discontinue them...again...
• Recruitment...
• Yeah, I'm talking to all the fat people out there. I know for a fact, I am not the only fat person in the world. So when your ready to admit it to yourself (like I did) and join me, I will be waiting. A gym membership is about fifty dollars a month but a jog through the Courthouse is free, you have no excuse... Let's try something new, instead of honking at me while I'm walking through the Courthouse, YOU GET OUT AND JOIN ME!!! FATTY!!!

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